As an American, my ancestors came to America from somewhere else. Only 1% of Americans live in their ancestral "homeland." This is actually one of my favorite parts of being an American. We all come from a richheritage of adventure. Whether it was for reasons of religious oppression, slavery, capitalism, potato famine, or employment; we all have an ancestor who made the journey.
I believe that where that ancestor came from is not nearly as important as are the reasons why. Nearly all of my ancestors, for example, were Mormon Pioneers. Many of their stories are very touching to me because of thesacrifices and hardships that they endured for religious freedom. One branch of my family built ships. For centuries, Carlings have been ship's carpenters, up until the time they headed west to Utah. This adds a little bit to my identity in that I love being on the water. I love the ocean, and I can only imagine how long my family has been connected to it.
However, these matters seem inconsequential when compared to the part of ancestry that really matters: Who were these people? Look first at the closest ancestor: our parents. We live in their house, we eat their food, they taught us to read, to put our clothes on, to walk, to speak, etc. Who our parents are affects us more, perhaps, than any other environmental factor.
Well our parents had parents, and their parents had parents. Our ancestors affect us as well. Take my family for example: In 1952, my great-grandmother, Dawn, left her husband and three children. She "runnoft" with the bus driver and moved with him to Reno, Nevada where she pursued the glamorous lifestyle of a performer. My grandfather, John was ten years old. Within 6 years of that event, my grandfather left the Mormon Church, started smoking, became alcoholic, abusive and got his girlfriend, Barbara Ashman, age 15, pregnant. Those actions resulted in my uncle Chris, who, ironically, now lives in Reno. My grandfather married Barbara. Fast-forward 18 years and we see an abusive alcoholic father, two teenage boys and two small children. The whole family is beaten on a regular basis. My father started developing his own damaging compulsive behaviors. Protecting the privacy of those currently living, the nexttwo generations have major problems with compulsive behaviors and addictions.
Just a few weeks ago, I discovered that my 5th great grandfather, Abraham, in 1809 left his wife and infant children--perhaps never to return. At that moment, my whole concept of who my family was changed. I could suddenly see how every single generation since 1718 had problems with compulsive behavior:
James Carling, 1718, moved to America
Gabriel Carling, 1748, had an affair with a married woman
Abraham Carling, 1779, left his wife and children
John Witt Carling, 1800, joined the Mormon church
Abraham Freer Carling, 1837, Backcountry expert; lived in the wilderness for 10 years
John Carling, 1863, Gave away all his money to charity (all at once)
Merrit Carling, 1889, Ran alcohol in from Mexico during prohibition
Fredrick J. Carling, 1915, married the wild child in town because she was pretty. She left him.
F. John Carling, 1942, Alcoholic, abusive (Married his second cousin (oops))
Ben Carling, 1961, Multiple careers, other compulsions
G. Ben Carling, 1989, 3 college transfers, other compulsions, hands in papers late, etc. ;)
One Carling passing on compulsive behavior to the next Carling. Some of you might read this and think, "interesting!" and it certainly is. But, from my point of view, I see a pattern that has been perpetuated for three centuries. I lack self-control. So does my dad and his dad. et-f^&king-cetera. Then I think, what are the chances that my son is going to grow up and lead a healthy life? That he'll make good choices? That hasn't really happened in 300 years.
So then, let me ask you this: Does ancestry matter?
How do you think that your family ancestry has affected the way that your life has gone thus far? Do you think that if your family hadn't had these traits in their past, that you would have become a different person? What would you like to change about yourself that you feel that genetics has given you and you can't control?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think that your children will be like? Do you think that they will be affected by compulsions?
What different compulsions do you suffer from? Why do you find them so hard to control? How do they effect your daily life? Do you believe that you live a normal, healthy life despite these compulsions? Will you tell your future wife the compulsions that you suffer from?
I'm interested to hear how you think your family history has affected who you are as a person, personally.
It's interesting to see how your family has compulsive behaviors over time. Do you believe that your compulsive behaviors can be connected back with theirs?
ReplyDeleteAnd what about other families, do you think that there family history has effected them, especially if they don't know their family history?
I don't know much of my family history,so I can only guess if it has effected me.
Lots of questions to answer:
ReplyDeleteI think that definitely, the behavior of my ancestors has affected my current behavior. For one, we learn from our parents and they from theirs, so behaviors and patterns that I have learned are acceptable tend to perpetuate the same problems over many generations. Carlings tend to be impulsive because that's what we see from our fathers.
I especially want to comment on this, because it's very important: "What would you like to change about yourself that you feel that genetics has given you and you can't control?" I am only talking about behavior in this blog, and it is still up in the air whether or not genetics has anything to do with that behavior. It's definitely an on-going debate. Here's the important part, though: There is nothing in my behavior that I can't control. That's what makes me human. I have the ability to choose something besides instinct. Of course, my natural decisions tend to be impulsive and not well-thought-out. Take for example compulsive behavior in my life. I have been working on gaining control of this by identifying the need that I'm trying to fill through compulsion, then fulfilling that need. That's really hard, but remember: I always have the ability not to choose those behaviors.
I think that my children will definitely be compulsive, but I hope that I'm able to teach them to make good decisions. I realize it's a challenge for our family, so I'll definitely be careful about that when raising them.
Compulsions that I have dealt with in the past include over-eating, running away, video games, pornography, self-mutilation, taking showers, watching movies and tv, reading books, drinking (not alcohol) and probably a few I haven't named. Like I mentioned in the post with the Steven Tyler video, compulsive behaviors transfer easily. I might stop eating every time I'm lonely/stressed/tired/etc but then start playing video games every time. Or I'd start doing a lot of them at the same time. Over-eating while watching tv and taking 4 showers a day. It's hard to control because it's easy to distract oneself from their problems. As a general bottom line, I do my best to stay away from more dangerous compulsive behaviors that can easily lead to addiction such as gaming, pornography, or that are dangerous/cause harm such as running away and self-mutilation. Avoiding compulsion altogether will be a life-long challenge. I'd say that I do live a normal life despite compulsive behaviors. Compulsive behaviors are pretty normal to begin with. As far as healthy, I'd say I have good days and bad days. In general, though, I know what's important: relationships with others, being productive instead of destructive, etc.
My future wife does know about my compulsive behaviors. I think open honesty is the best strategy to any relationship. I would hate for my wife to have a surprise five years down the line.
I think that my compulsive behaviors are not really "connected" to my ancestor's compulsive behaviors. For example, I'd gone through most of the compulsive behaviors I've mentioned many years before I learned about my father's problems. However, I'm very much like my father in just about everything, so I think just his compulsion came out in me because of the behavior patterns that I learned at a young age.
As far as other people's family histories, I definitely think that it would affect their behavior. I mean, 85% of my family history I learned long after I developed compulsive behaviors. It's not just knowing about family history, it's because you're in it. You learn about the world from your parents. But like you said, since I know a lot about my family's history, I can see the patterns. If you don't know a lot about it, it would just be guessing. The importance is on the next generation and being prepared to raise them.
---ben carling
I've been lucky enough that my job actually encourages one of my compulsions: intense attention to words and how they work. SOmetimes it is extremely hard for me not to comment on every single thing that I find interesting. However, something about "having free time" in my life overcomes some of those compulsions. You're very right about compulsions being choices. I used to smoke, and lately I've been chewing tobacco more than I'd like to admit. Somehow, I started associating grading papers with having a dip. Now, I'm trying to associate drinking coffee with grading papers, since I drink coffee anyway, and it seems a bit less harmful than tobacco. Chocolate seems to help, too, but I also don't want to become a chocoholic. I feel lucky that one my compulsions--to write and pay attention to words--has led to a productive career. I always wonder what would have happened if, say, killing squirrels was a compulsion of mine. Maybe I could become some sort of hunting guide. Very interesting blog, Ben. Nice job.
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